My wild swimming story began in July when my youngest son decided to buy a Paddle Board. I will come back to that………
I recognise talking about my health condition is my Achilles Heel. Most of those reading, who know me will be surprised by my story. So why am I writing this now? Recently an inspirational friend, who knew nothing about my pain, asked about my wild swimming. She was so intrigued, I eventually explained “I have discovered a natural painkiller on my doorstep.” ”Why don’t you share your story, you will inspire people” she asked My answer – “because people are too quick to judge” I still feel that way, but maybe I am just judging other people? But as I write, I am still unsure if I will be sharing, or maybe I will stay anon. I write this not for me but for the many others who suffer with chronic pain conditions.
As a teenager I took part in every sport available to me. I was inspired by my P.E teachers and lived from one sport to the next. Basketball, Hockey, Badminton, Squash and sometimes even Football which for a female in her teens in the late 70’s was pretty rare. As I grew older, and my time more limited I continued to play squash and took part in whatever gym classes were the trend. I began to understand the benefits of physical activity as a method of dealing with life’s stresses. However, my participation came to an abrupt halt when in my mid 40’s a mixture of health conditions left me living with chronic pain. After seeing various medical experts across the country, I reluctantly retired from sport as I knew it. However, I knew the lack of exercise would not only have a detrimental effect on my fitness levels and weight but more importantly, my mental health and self-esteem.
I was in my dream job, in a world of Sport and Physical Activity. A world where you were expected to be fit and active, and a world where I believed being the opposite would be judged. I made a deal with my inner self, to focus on the positives, things could be much worse. I would deal with this by trying to find appropriate exercise that would give me some control.
Eventually Spinning classes at my local leisure centre became my new norm. I took so much enjoyment from the sessions I planned my painkillers to get me through. In the warmer months the added luxury of outdoor classes with a view across the Firth, and the odd dolphin surfing added to the satisfaction I felt afterwards. I might suffer later but that did not matter. For a few years I continued to enjoy the classes and combined with dog walking and music, it gave me a level of physical activity and exercise I could cope with – most of the time.
Lockdown 1 came and no Spinning Classes!
Through lockdown, whilst dog walking, I did a lot of thinking. I felt very fortunate to be enjoying walking, but some days walking could also be dictated by painkillers. On the good days I took great pleasure in longer walks along the white sandy beaches watching “family bubbles” make use of the outdoors in numbers we had never really seen before. It suddenly became clear to me what a fab free resource the Sea and beach was for exercise. The beach has always been my happy place. I live by the sea with one of the best coastlines in the country. As I took more interest, I began to feel really inspired by those swimmers and paddle boarders and excited that for me maybe a new form of exercise was possible. Could Paddle Boarding or Open Water swimming be the way to go? There would be no waiting for pools or gyms to open or planning my painkillers around a class that was then cancelled. No clocks, just a wetsuit, a buddy and an understanding and respect for the sea. “A Wetsuit” I thought “Na no chance, I wouldn’t be seen dead in a wetsuit, so that won’t be happening. Ditch that idea.”
Then it happened . . . my youngest son bought a paddle board. He knew I would be interested in trying it out and suggested “Mum buy a wetsuit”. As much as I would love to try Paddle Boarding, I honestly had no intentions of even trying to find a wetsuit. Those of you who feel uncomfortable with their body or their weight will understand my panic. There was NO way I was going into shops to try one on, and why the hell do they need to know your weight if your buying one online? Before I knew it, my husband had one ordered and only told me when it was one it’s way. The very thought of being seen in a wetsuit put more fear into me than the actual sea experience. Ridiculous I know, but it’s where I was.
Whoop! Whoop! The wetsuit arrived and I made excuses not to try it on. Coincidently – during an online work meeting – a new enforced luxury of home working – the discussion turned to Open Water swimming. My very active work colleagues suggested I give it a go. Once again, I realised, I was beginning to feel inspired by the idea, maybe I should at least give it a try . “Could submerging yourself in cold water ever be fun? My experience of my body being cold made my pain worse! My work colleagues made it sound so amazing, I left that meeting vowing to try it. Deep down I knew I was an ok swimmer and after all I did have a wetsuit and guess what it fitted too.
That was it. I’d decided. I was going to take the plunge . . . literally.
I began swimming in the open water with a close friend in the early mornings. There were very few folks around, and I was pretty sure there were no mirrors at the beach, so it was a safe bet. I didn’t have to look at myself or allow the critic in my head to put me off. My friend was swimming regularly and had no idea about my inner terrors – or my pain for that matter. I have never shared, even with my closest friends, the constant pain I live with. There was no need. I am who I am I don’t need a label, or a conversation every time we meet about how I am feeling, or even worse, that look……….!
Initially it felt pretty daunting ……….. I am in a wetsuit, I have crossed the line …….. and here I was, putting one foot in front of the other towards the water. As the shock of the coldness washed over me and the involuntary swearing passed, I had to admit the wonderful backdrop of the Moray Firth, the horizon at eye level and a dolphin swimming within touching distance had me hooked! The outdoors, the sky, the sea, birds, the smell , just everything about being outside and being able to exercise, with a friend no less, was more than I could ask for.
A few morning swims per week were good. I was becoming more confident in the water and not so concerned about the unpredictable environment. Then my friend went away for a weekend. I suddenly realised I had the urge to get into the water and had no one to buddy me. My husband suggested he stand on the beach whilst I swam, but it wasn’t the same. I needed to widen my swimming circle.
Wild swimming has become a very important part of my pain management programme. Being in the sea enables me, I feel alive, my body feels reset and I no longer feel like the weakest link. On the days when the Sea or the “ Big Blue” in swimming lingo – check me out I even know the language – is showing us who is the boss, I focus on my breathing and technique – stretch, breathe, roll repeat. I am now a pretty competent front crawl swimmer, and I just keep going. The stress of the cold water on my body helps focus my mind on survival and staying safe. The sudden slaps to the face from the waves keep me grounded, make me laugh, and there is no time to think about anything else. My mood and spirits are lifted. In the water I am mostly pain free. My balance has improved, the worry of falling on the sand is not so acute – I tell myself nothing can possibly be worse than falling in your CEO office and trying to play it down. Sometimes I may need to adapt my stroke, but no other form of exercise allows this without major pain and flare ups. I leave the water holding back the urge to high 5 everyone. The feeling is amazing and I am me.
Wild Swimming and forced home working due to COVID have allowed me to re-evaluate my lifestyle when I felt it was in freefall. I started the 2020 on an unknown journey, walking with crutches. The cold water dulls the aches and allows me to escape from the daily pain and feel strong again. It even lasts for a while afterwards. When swimming I am reminded, of what I can do. The pain has not gone completely, and may never go, but the more days I swim the less time in the day I have pain. A wide range of prescribed medication may help ease the pain, but they have never been as effective as being in the cold water. Whilst I do still require some, I have very carefully cut back on many of the daily painkillers. When I am in pain my first thought is how long will it be until I am back in the water, not immediately reaching for medication, I do not want to take.
Being part of an open swimming group means I can always swim with other people and the social benefits are immeasurable. I have formed a new social group, despite COVID and social distancing. We make our plans on social media, turn up, swim and leave and, though most of us really don’t know each other, I know I am with an amazing group of like-minded people. There is no competition, just mutual support and friendly banter and advice.
“You really should try wearing a swim hat,” one of the ladies suggested
“No way am I wearing a swim cap!” I answered.
“You know goggles would help?” my son advised.
“No way am I wearing goggles in the sea, I don’t want to know what lies beneath!”
If you see me in the water, I’m the one in the pink cap, wearing goggles and yeah, gloves and boots? I have them too, and a little yellow duck to remind me of the temperatures.
I swim 1km most days. This will change with inclement weather, but I will deal with that as it happens. Being part of the group has given me the confidence to sign up for an international challenge which encourages swimming throughout the Winter months. I am also using this opportunity to raise funds to provide a “Hot Tub” for a young local lad who lives with cerebral palsy. The response to this has been so amazing I reached my target within 12 weeks. This inspired me to add consecutive swims to the challenge and as of today I have managed 64 consecutives. I am swimming every day, sun, rain, hail, wind and snow I have been there. A careful risk assessment carried out before of course and a swim buddy at all times.
Overcoming my fear of looking ridiculous in a wetsuit has allowed me to enjoy the holistic benefits of exercise again, the natural hydrotherapy on my doorstep, making me a more confident swimmer and most importantly I am enjoying the unexpected outcome of my pain being reduced. In the beginning the thought of being caught on camera filled me with horror. Now, I couldn’t care less. I believe every picture tells a story, even if it is a story only, I know.
When my googles steam up as they do in cold water, it reminds me of my life before open water swimming. A life on painkillers. A life through a constant mist. I push them aside and finish a swim appreciating the clearness of the life around me. A random white feather will often appear, “Like a Feather on The Clyde”, not unusual for the environment you may say, but they always make me smile and I am happy to take the message.
I am pleased to say my relationship with wetsuits has vastly improved, so much so I now have two. Paddle Boarding with my son? Has not happened yet, but I look forward to this being my next chapter. To all of the open water swimmers who have welcomed me to the group, and accompanied me, thank you, you have changed my life.
EM2021
Please note that open water swimming can come with risks, especially in winter. Plan ahead, always go with a buddy and follow the current COVID guidance. Safety advice can be found here: https://outdoorswimmer.com/open-water-safety